My wife and my friends are next door at my neighbor's house. They're having a hoot of a time but I'm dying to blog. It's insane, but I couldn't concentrate on anything anyone was saying because all I could think about was my blog tonite and I got a good one! My wife even said to me, "You're dying to blog aren't you?" She knows me too well.
Okay, here we go. Yesterday, my son comes to me and says, "Daddy, I don't want you to be disappointed in me but I have something to tell you."
Now I know this is not going to be a good thing. If it was something stupid, he certainly wouldn't try to control my angst by telling me first...I brace myself....I feel myself clenching my teeth together as he gets ready to tell me.
"I broke the door off the TV stand."
Background time.....my wife and I have been telling this kid not to mess with the TV stand's door for weeks. He doesn't do it purposely, but he does it unconsciously. We are constantly telling him to stop because he is going to break to door.
Now he has broken the door. I'm about to lose my mind! He ripped the door off the hinges and every time I look at it, I realize there is virtually no way I'm going to be able to fix it.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you kidding me?
So I sequester myself in a far away bedroom so I don't kill the child. I'm waiting for Mom to call me after her workout because she always calls me on her drive from the health club to work. She calls and is all giddy because the scale moved in the right direction. When she hears my tone she is concerned, "What's wrong?"
I tell her what happened and we discuss how to deal with it(she's privately proud of me for not beheading our child). After she calms me down, we come up with a proper punishment for the boy. I tell her, "I realized this morning that calling him a son of a bitch kills two birds with one stone!"
She realizes that me making lite of the situation meant I was calm enough and capable to deal with the next step which was the one-on-one discussion and the delivery of the punishment.
I then pick up my son and bring him into our bedroom. I explain to him that I'm not upset with him because he broke the door of the TV stand(mind you, this is 500+ dollar bureau type monstrosity my wife thought would look beautiful in our living room and it does...well did).....Side Note....why in the hell do we buy nice furniture when we know very well these freaking kids are going to ruin it? I remember as a kid we had the nastiest, orange colored chairs forever in our living room and I'm sure it was because my mom knew if we had nice chairs, us kids would just destroy them. We destroyed everything in our house. I'm sure my wife and her siblings destroyed everything that was decent in their house too. What the hell were we thinking when we bought this nice stuff?
Back to my son...I told him I don't care about the stuff...I care about the fact that you didn't listen to Mommy and Daddy. We told you if you kept messing with that door you would break it. I then told him the suckiest part of all, "You're going to have listen to people your entire life. Even if they tell you things you don't want to hear or believe."
I think that last part was more for me than him but what the heck I was in the zone.
Then I told him I had to punish him. I had to take away something he enjoyed. My wife and I had decided on his punishment.
This is what gets me. This whole parenting this is messed up. I have no idea what the heck I'm doing. I'm just trying not to screw up this beautiful kid's future.
I told him, "You're not allowed to play on the computer for the entire weekend."
He said, "How long is that?"
I said, "Well, it's today, tomorrow and Sunday."
He said, "Cool, that's not that long at all!" And he ran out of the room.
I was pissed. We should've came up with a more painfully suitable punishment. This one certainly wasn't that bad. Son of a bitch.
Parenting is tougher than I ever thought it would be. I'm still trying to figure it out. As much as my wife and I try to figure it out, our kids have us played. They seem to always be a step ahead of us.
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It sucks when the punishment doesn't seem to bother the kid. I having taken away Lucas's iPod touch - which he never seems to put down- and he won't even ask me for it for over a week. We are at the point now where I say, no iPod, no computer, no x-box, no cell phone, blah, blah, blah. Then I realize how badly we spoil these kids, but isn't that the whole goal??? To give them more than we had. Then I realize I had it pretty good, and I seem to be doing what I set out to do with my kids. What did Lucas do to get in trouble again?????? Uggg, parenting. The extreme emotional experience - you will never feel more joy, more saddness, more proud, more disappointed, more love, more frustration, then when you are dealing with your kids. Would't trade it for all the money in the world!
ReplyDeleteThanks for getting me to think at 9:00 AM on a Sunday, Tom. Always a dangerous thing. 6 + years ago at 9:00 AM, I would of be changing that "th" in think to "dr". I am not sure which is more dangerous.
Love ya
TK
PS - at this time next week I will have a better Fantasy Baseball team then you!!!!!!!!
Thanks for posting your thoughts....you are truly one of my best friends!!!
ReplyDeleteTJ,
ReplyDeleteKudos for not beheading the young lad! As you know I am fortunate enough to have four lovely children tearing through my house at any given time. I am with you on the punishment thing. Nate is 14 and almost as big as me, so kicking his ass will do no good. And, taking away his phone, I-Touch, gamecube, etc. does not work. However, he is also at the point where he can feel shame. When God closes one window, he opens another!! Now I just shame him into tears when he screws up and it usually fixes the problem.
When they were younger, the best punishment was "old school". I would make them put their noses in a corner and think about how they messed up. Until they could give me the correct response as to why they should not have done something, the were in 90 degrees of hell (the corner is a 90* angle Timmy). And when something mysteriously got broken, lost, etc. I would make them stand in a line until one of them steeped up and took responsibility. Talk about some funny shit! One time all four kids (Nick was about 3 at the time) were lined up against the wall for about 35 minutes. Gina and I were in the other room, listening to them discuss the matter amongst themselves. Finally, Nathan talked Heidie into taking the fall for having done something. Heidie called us in the hallway and "admitted" she had done something wrong.
Well, we threw a curveball at the kids! Instead of Heidie getting a spanking, she got to go out for ice cream all by herself, because she was the only one who told "the truth". Man, the other kids were pissed, because they had to cleean the house with me, while Heidie was out enjoying ice cream with Mom.
So, I guess as parents, we have to work at staying ahead of the curve and guessing what are kids are going to throw at us. (Baseball teaches us about hitting the curve. Expect the fastball, but adjust to the curve.)
And notice one thing. You never appreciate the crap your parents had to put up with, until you have kids of your own. I thank my mom and dad every time I see them and apologize for all the crap I pulled. But my dad replies, "You just kept us on our toes." Good ole' Bernie, taking it all in stride!
The Man upstairs is just making sure that you do not get too complacent with the two gifts he has given you. He wants you to appreciate them every day. This could be His way of letting you know that you were getting a little cozy with your daily routine, so he threw you a curve.
Thanks for the opportunity to appreciate my kids.
Love ya,
Billy
You don't suck either Billy!
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