Tips For the Home Dad

I've been thinking about something lately. Considering the way things are going in our country these days I must believe there are more and more stay at home dads these days. With this in mind I thought I would give some advice to those who are new to this way of life.

Any dad who is new to the stay at home lifestyle will soon become overwhelmed especially if there are children involved. I have two. They are 4 year old twins. A boy and a girl. I'm sure I've said this before but I feel it needs to be fresh in every one's mind. Most of the advice/instruction I will dole out in the following verbiage will not pertain to taking care of the children. I feel we are all good dads in our own right and can handle feeding, washing and general care of our own children. This goes without saying.

It's the taking care of the household that is mind boggling. Literally, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing when it comes to the cleaning and care of the house. The following is what I have learned to make my life as a stay at home dad easier for me and my wife....who by the way is going to work every day and hates that I get to stay home with our children. The first thing to realize as a stay at home dad is that your wife hates you! It's not because you're a loser. It's because you're getting to do the very thing she wants to do. My wife would give her left foot to be able to stay home with the kids while I work all day.

Let's just get straight to the help I can give to stay at home dads.

First of all, we must realize our goals. It's extremely important to understand the outcome of our work. Think about it, if you spend 40 hours a week at a job, you get a paycheck. If you work 40 hours a week taking care of the kids and the house you get a paycheck too....but it's generally payment in a person to person manner with your wife.

Let's get this right out in the open. As men, who are not working we have a diminished sense of self esteem. It's probably our biggest issue as stay at home dads. When it gets right down to it, the one thing that gives us the self confidence we need is relations with our spouse.

Basically, as a home dad, all we really are doing is trying to make the working mom happy enough to have relations with us.

Here we go!

Laundry

You gotta do the laundry. I know it sucks. But it's key to your woman's happiness. Always wash the clothes your wife looks hottest in. You know what I mean, that small tank top or the skimpy t-shirt that's a size too small. Wash her hot underwear. Don't waste your time on the granny panties. Remember, you're in control here. Wash the clothes she'll look best to you in. That crappy sweatshirt that is ugly and bulky moves to the back of the laundry room. Also remember, women don't use the same towel for a week or two like you do. They like to burn through towels(multiple...they use big towels for their body and smaller towels for that weird swirl thing they do on their heads). Stay on top of the towel laundry.

This is the most important thing to remember about laundry. You can wash the laundry you need for over a week in one load. Our clothing means nothing. We can live without it. We can always wear the same pair of underwear for days. Just turn it inside out.....this side is clean! Wash the kids clothes and the wife's clothes before yours, you'll be better off in the long run.

First Site is Key

It doesn't matter how clean the house is. If the first thing she will see when she walks in the door is a messy foyer, she won't see anything after that. Remember, her happiness when she walks in the door is key to you getting a piece later on! A simple trick to this is to arrange the shoes that are always in the foyer. Simply set them up in a neat line and when she walks in it will look like you've cleaned for hours....trust me it works. You will be amazed at how a neat foyer will help you later in the evening!

She Can See All

One of the important things you must learn right away is that your wife can see shit you never thought was there. My wife will not wipe away a spot that is behind the garbage can in the kitchen for weeks so she can call me out on it. Quite frankly, I don't look behind the freaking garbage can wall for stains because....hello....I'm taking out the garbage. But sure enough, she'll say, "You know that wall behind the garbage can has had a stain for weeks." I'm like, "If it's bugging you, grab a sponge and clean it!"

You can imagine that goes over well. Don't let this happen to you. Try to look at places you would never look. After all, we can't clean this shit as well as our women! But if you want your evening to end well, you have to find these ridiculous spots to wipe up. It only takes a second but your wife won't tell you where they are or do it themselves just so they can throw it in your face that it's hasn't been cleaned in weeks(as if it'd be cleaned if the witch didn't say something in the first place).

Always remember this tidbit. No matter how quickly you've cleaned something, double the time it took when you tell her. Remember when women clean they usually are on the phone with someone and it takes them twice as long to clean an area because their gums are flapping more than there is any cleaning happening.

"Damn honey, it took me hours to clean the bathrooms today."

One last thing that I did today. When the mailman comes and brings the new Kohl's shopping magazine. Throw that thing in the garbage. After that, make sure you fill the can with crap so you can get the bag out in the garbage can. The last thing we all need is more bulky sweatshirts!

I have more of these tips. I'll bring them to you in the days to come.

If I haven't mentioned it....thanks for reading!